Will you come back?

Will you come back? As orphaned and abandoned kids, the words – will you come back – hold special significance to our kids. They have all experienced permanent loss of some sort at very tender ages. They have all loved people that touched their lives and disappeared. They want to know if we will be the next people that do that. It’s important the visitors to New Hope Homes be honest in their answers. No, not cruel if they don’t expect to make the journey again – there are ways to say it. But if you promise to return it’s important that you do as a promise is a very important thing to our kids. The words, will you come back were repeated non stop over the past 24 hours as the kids prepared for Kristen and Donna’s departure. In the ceremony that Kristen referenced from last night, one of the things I told the kids was that many of them talk about coming to America as they think it’s so wonderful, but I haven’t found more love and faith and service than I have found in Rwanda and that is why I will ALWAYS COME BACK. I treasure the photos I have of the kids over the years to show – look how little you were in the picture or that – to demonstrate that I will always be there for them. Now Kristen joins that list of promise makers. She has promised to return and there are shouts of joy to this idea. A special new connection and promise has also emerged in that Kristen’s husband Ian is now committed to coming too. Ian made some powerful connections with many of the kids but most especially Sande. Sande and Ian are super football (aka soccer) fans and given that we’re in the middle of the African cup they would both watch the various games and have daily skype chats about it. Sande grew to eagerly await the chats and since they are fans of archrivals (Chelsea vs Arsenals) there was great teasing going on. I listened from afar and tried to sear the joy on Sande’s face each day into my heart as he chatted with Ian. Thanks for being such a special part of our trip Ian. Today, Sunday morning was Kristen and my last day. We went to the compound with some small amounts of money for each of the adults who helped take such great care of us and the remaining items from the Market that we did a few weeks ago where people could pick one item. We gave each of the women a scarf and the boys and kids could pick ONE thing from the grab bag. It was a great way to start the day full of joy. Normally the kids would greet us in tears knowing that today was the last day for us. After hearing stories about how emotional the kids get on departures, Kristen was determined to make our departure a different. Joy and laughter was her mandate and I tried my best to support that vision as my gut and heart were all mixed together and were being ripped apart. Of course I know that she was right, it’s just way too hard for me. We don’t know if the women really liked the scarves that we presented to each of them but Mama Imaculee took the lead and pulled off her scarf and replaced it with ours to great shouts for joy. The other women followed suit. Kristen and I came dressed in the local traditional clothes that we had planned on wearing the party the night before but never got the chance to change given the chaos. We were greeted with “very smart”, “very smart” Miss Donna and Mrs Kristen. We needed their help to create the headwraps so the aunties jumped in and divided up with about 2-3 people working on each of our heads. They then told Kristen to come see herself in a the mirror. A mirror? There is only one in all 3 homes so Kristen was shocked to have access to the one that was available. (Liles has been able to shave each day thanks to a small cosmetic mirror that Sarah had left). The kids were all dressed in their Sunday best and Kristen was pleased to see some of the kids wearing the clothes that she sent over last March when we did a drive to get new Sunday/dress up clothes for each of the kids. After goodbyes to the kids who are too little to make the walk to church and the men who still had work today we began the parade to church singing along the way including a belated Happy Birthday to Kristen. It was also another opportunity to let the kids take more pics with one of my 5 cameras. They are learning a lot about how to shoot and making great progress. They love love love to take photos and take pride in seeing the pics uploaded to the computer. We arrived a bit late for the English service as our group photo at the house and all the goodbyes had taken up some time and as we started walking towards the gate Claudine had come running up with a plate of pancakes for Kristen. Yes, pancakes. She shared them with some of the kids and off we went. I took some time with each child as the preacher did his thing and some songs were sung. I prayed for safety, good health and that they would grow to be the best that God had in store for them. Then I whispered into the ears of each of the bigger kids all the things that I wanted them to know. Things like how proud I am of them, what fine leaders they are becoming and how much I appreciate what a great sister or brother they are. Each got a slightly different messaged tailored to their unique personality. They each beamed as I tried to uplift their spirits. Kristen kept giving me the evil eye if she sensed that I was going to break down and cry. It worked for the most time. She kept saying to the kids “today is a great day, God is happy today” as we would be coming back. Her approach even worked with Esther for the most part. Esther had sat in Kristen’s lap for a portion of the morning trying to go to her normal sad and crushed face and tears when visitors she had made special connections with leave. Kristen allowed her some grief but ensured it was short lived and she returned to happy. In our efforts to create an easy goodbye we realized that had never fully explained to the kids that we would be leaving at the of the English service. So when I grabbed Kristen and said it was time to go, some hadn’t noticed that we were leaving. Others just returned the blown kisses that Kristen and I sent. Everyone was doing quite well as Kristen headed for the car. I turned to say my final goodbyes only to find Isaac with his head in his lap. I thought he was resting until I leaned down and saw the tear stains on the floor. Isaac is one of the smarted kids we have at New Hope Homes and is between 10 and 11. He also often holds in his emotions and replaces them with intellectual understanding and growth. Sometimes he likes to give me little jabs like he doesn’t care if I come or not as she stares me down when I ask him to do something out of his comfort zone like – you are so weird Miss Donna – but funny. So, to see the tears flow so much from his sweet face was so heartfelt. I bent beside him and whispered in his ear that “I love you Isaac. I am very proud of you. You know I will ALWAYS come back. You are stuck with me for life”. The you are stuck with me for life is a line that came up a few days ago when I asked Lionel if I could be in his life forever and ever and he said yes. Then I asked if he would cuddle on my lap as he was doing at that moment when he got bigger – this he couldn’t promise ☺. Isaac had teased me that he didn’t care if I was there forever, but now the tears reaffirmed that I would be welcomed. There are very few things that these kids could really count on. I plan on being one of those things as they grow to be adults. We blew kisses to Liles who now will be the solo visitor with all the kids for 3 more days and still had another 2.5 hours of a Kinyarwanda service to set though. Yikes.I got to the car and burst into tears only to have Chantal say “oh Miss Donna, we love you”. Kristen smacked me back into plan A and tried my best to wipe away the tears but they were oozing from my heart if not on the outside. Chantal and Mbanda drove us to the airport, unloaded the car and walked us to security. As Kristen thanked them for letting us come and inquired if she would again be welcome they of course said yes yes yes I reached for Chantal and buried my head on her shoulder and sobbed like a baby. After a few minutes, Kristen said. “oh great, thanks. Now I get to deal with this for the rest of the trip back…thanks. “. To be clear, it’s not the Kristen didn’t fall in love with these kids – she surely did. It’s just that she was already looking forward to her next return so she was full of joy. I was still focused on how long it would be before I got to hold them in my arms or speak directly with them. I think it’s the difference between having kids to come home to in the states vs knowing that my kids live in Rwanda. We hung out at Kigali airport for 2 hours, then flew to Nairobi and killed 6 hours, then Amsterdam with a 9 hour layover where we got showers and a back massage – ahhh, I like traveling with Kristen. We skyped with Liles from Nairboi and learned that some of the kids were asking Liles were we were as they didn’t realize we had left…and when would we be back. – whoops – in our effort to create a fun goodbye I guess would should have been specific about the departure. Ahh, no worries, Liles will be GREAT fun for them. We went our separate ways in Amsterdam but our lives our now joined in finding ways to help get our kids access to all the key things that they need to thrive. We’ve made notes for the next set of visitors in march. Our kids need PJ’s. They each are bathed each night but then climb back into their dirty clothes that they played in for the days to sleep. We need more quality shoes and lots more underwear. If you want to help, please contact Kristen or Me and we’ll tell you the specifics. I will also do a post in a few days to list the specific needs. We are also trying to start a medical fund for two of our special needs kids – Deborah and Desami who need PT 2x a week and will need life long care. This trip now comes to a conclusion, but the journey continues.